When a Superbowl player enters the game, they have a clear goal in mind. They have a plan about how to make their plays, how to execute their strategy, and how to win the prize.
In life, I want to have a winning strategy. I want to win a gold medal in the game of life.
But to do that, I need to know what I’m aiming for. What does it mean to win in life?
I think it all boils down to four words: “Love well. Steward well.” At the end of my life, I want people to look back and say that I loved well, and I stewarded well. Loving is the relational side of life, and stewarding is the transactional side of life. I want to serve well in both capacities.
Since February is the month of love, I would like to explore what it means to love well. Most importantly, loving others means building good communication habits. And it all starts with learning to speak a relational language that others can understand.
To illustrate this concept, I would like to tell a story from my youth. From July 1991 to June 1992, I had the opportunity to live in Sweden and study in a Swedish high school (gymnasium). Before I went to Sweden, the only Swedish I knew was hey and nay.
I was grateful to live in a different culture where I did not speak the language. I immediately began learning by immersion. I took classes in the natural science line, and I discovered that Swedish is a Germanic language that shares some Latin words with English. Even though languages are not my natural gifting, I immediately picked up on some Latin words that were frequently used in math and science.
When I lived in Sweden, I got very fluent to the point of dreaming in Swedish. I even wrote my journals in Swedish (which I now cannot understand! LOL). But I spoke it with a strong American accent, and it took intentionality for Swedish folks to understand me.
I didn’t realize just how much the accent you use affects your understanding. One day, my high school senior class (including me 😊) was taking a class trip to the Czech Republic and Hungary. My classmates had been together for three years of high school, and I had joined them for the past year. I was excited about taking our class trip together. But I was not emotionally prepared for having a miserable time.
A Disappointing Bus Trip
When I got on the bus in Budapest, the Hungarian tour guide began to speak over the low-quality sound system. Suddenly, I experienced culture shock all over again. Though the guide spoke Swedish, she spoke it with a Hungarian accent. I could understand other Americans speaking Swedish, and I could understand Swedish people speaking Swedish. But I couldn’t understand the Hungarian tour guide’s Swedish. Add on an old tour bus sound system to boot, and I couldn’t understand her.
My friends wanted to enjoy their experience; it wasn’t worth the relational capital to ask them to translate for me. I missed out on major aspects of the trip. I experienced the entire trip inside a bubble. Unable to follow along or participate, I felt isolated and alone. I’d had an amazing experience in Sweden up to that point, but the bus made me feel lonely. I couldn’t participate.
This experience taught me that communication is not just about language, it’s also about the accent. If someone speaks with your accent, they can understand you more effectively than people who speak without your accent.
Communication Keys
Communication is hard work! A friend of mine shared, “Communication is one of the greatest gifts of love we can give.”
Communication is not just about the words we use. It’s also about the “accent” that we use when communicating. When we speak with a friend or colleague, we may both use the same vocabulary. But differences in our personalities, cultures, thought patterns, and mental models often garble the meaning of our communication. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we are sending a completely incomprehensible message.
I don’t want to be a Hungarian tour guide. Sometimes I am. People don’t understand me. That’s why I have hired team members who can help me translate the things I have learned into the language, culture, mindset, and context of others in my life that wouldn’t normally have access to what I have access to. I work hard to find team members who have the same “accent” as I do. They can take the substance of what I’m saying and translate it into the written word in a way that others can hear it. I need translators.
Communication is fundamentally about other people. I need to be able to share what they need in a way that they can receive it—not in the way that I want to give it. That’s why I believe the platinum rule is greater than the golden rule. “Do your best unto others as they can receive,” not “do unto others as you wish they would do unto you.”
Through my struggle to learn the language and culture overseas, I learned that communication is fundamentally about other people. It’s about speaking in a way that others can hear. We must learn to communicate in someone else’s language so that they may understand us. We each need to share truth in a way that others can receive it, not necessarily in a way that we want to give it. It’s all about understanding the other person so we can demonstrate personal love and care in the way we communicate. As we demonstrate true love, we can be true winners in the game of life.
